Best 7 Things You Shouldn’t Talk About on a First Date

Few things are as nerve-wracking as a first date, what with all the anticipation and the need to make a good impression. We all get nervous before a date, and it's natural to worry about making a fool of yourself or having an uncomfortable conversation.

While we eat, play mini golf, or yell over loud music, "we are selling the best version of ourselves while trying to balance authenticity," explains certified professional counselor Bonnie Scott, LPC. "We're going for a hip, witty, and trustworthy vibe in an effort to make real connections." 

When your hopes are high and you're nervous about saying the wrong thing and turning someone off on a date, it might feel like a lot is at stake. Staying true to who you really are will help you and your partner determine if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Good conversation and avoiding certain topics are essential for the journey. 

Off-the-Cuff or Judgmental Comments

It goes without saying that practicing self-control and not speaking everything that comes to mind is beneficial while interacting with other people.

This is especially important on a first date, when you are trying to make a good impression. Don't pass judgment on what they're wearing or what they're eating or how they appear or what they do for a living or their background. It may seem simple, but people don't always appreciate a good joke or jokes before they get to know you.

On a first date, you may see if the two of you click and if you have any interests or values. If you don't, at least act polite on the date and don't set up any more. (But if they want to schedule another date, it's polite to say thanks for the one you had and explain why it didn't work out.)

Overly Gushing About Your Date

A sincere compliment is a great icebreaker and can go a long way. Too much "love bombing" — or showering your partner with compliments and effusive words — can make you seem insincere. 

"While one can feel connected and excited about a potential match, it is important to remember that it takes time to get to know someone," says Susan Trotter, PhD, relationship expert and coach. "It is way too much, too soon, if on a first date someone is being excessively complimentary or talking already about meeting friends and family, saying they love you, planning a trip, etc." 

Bad Mouthing Your Exes 

It's normal to bring up previous relationships on a first date, and doing so can help you both better understand each other's backgrounds, experiences, and aspirations.

However, it's in terrible taste to speak ill of your ex, and it may also show that you haven't accepted responsibility for the breakup. 

According to licensed clinical social worker Christina Granahan, LCSW, "blaming others" is a sign that you aren't reflective, don't take responsibility, and are absolute in your outlook. That "blame rarely comes in a 100 to 0 ratio." 

Delving Into Your Sexual History 

It's possible that your date isn't as eager to talk about or disclose their own sexual experience as you are, even if you're perfectly comfortable doing so. 

Relationship-ruining "sex talk" or "talking about your sexual history" is something you should avoid, according to Dr. Trotter. For most individuals, talking about sexuality on a first date is a huge red flag because it's such a private topic. 

You can start the conversation by stating your desire for physical closeness in a relationship. If your date seems uneasy with the subject, it's best not to force the issue. 

Focusing Only on Yourself

While it's true that your date is interested in learning more about you, you should be just as curious about them. When you ask each other questions, the conversation flows more easily and you learn more about one another. 

"Take an interest in the stranger in front of you. Furthermore, Granahan suggests giving children the opportunity to ask you questions about anything that piques their interest. You should both get an opportunity to experience that by

Detailing Personal Past Traumas 

Keeping the mood light is typically more helpful. Building trust and closeness with someone takes time, and sometimes it includes talking about difficult experiences. However, if you try to rush things and completely overwhelm this new person, you may end up ruining the mood and flow of your date.  

"Trauma dumping" is used to "create quick intimacy," as Scott puts it. "They tell way too much about something painful that happened to them, either because they haven't processed it with a professional, or because they've found that it's a shortcut to getting other people to stick around for a while." 

It's possible that each situation raises red flags for the other. There's also the fact that you don't really know this other person yet, so you have no idea how they'll react to this information or whether they'll even keep it to themselves or tell anyone. It makes sense to start sharing more personal information if you and your date end up going on numerous dates and getting to know one other. 

Final Thoughts

Don't worry if you feel nervous or anxious before a first date because it's normal to feel this way. Avoiding some topics of conversation can help, but ultimately, being genuine and making an effort to connect with the other person is what matters the most. 

Keep in mind, as Scott advises, that the other person has consented to go on a date with you because they find something intriguing about you. They're eager to participate and optimistic about the results of this meeting. 

Our list of topics to avoid on a first date is meant more as a useful guide than hard and fast rules. If you're not sure how things are going to go with your date, just be yourself, try not to press any buttons, and enjoy yourself.