What to Do If You Dislike Your Spouse

Many people experience this. When you're feeling particularly passionate, it's easy to overlook your partner's flaws. Sadly, you may come to discover that your partner is a source of constant irritation and frustration. Or maybe you've come to the conclusion that you hate your partner.

According to Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT, a certified marital and family therapist with a professional practice in Los Feliz, CA, your feelings about your spouse are influenced by a number of elements, including how they make you feel, how well they align with your beliefs, and how physically attractive they are.

She argues that love also necessitates a profound connection on an emotional level and complete acceptance. Even if one or both partners forgets this, they may always rely on their connection to each other to bring them back to their initial feelings of love.

Reasons You Might Dislike Your Spouse

The end consequence could be a marriage to someone you deeply dislike. You should have known better' and "didn't you see it while dating" are not helpful comments from others. Perhaps you did overlook or dismiss certain warning signs, but it doesn't alter the outcome.

You may find yourself disliking your partner for a variety of reasons.

• They act in a bullying manner against others.
• They are too judgmental.
• They're just too picky.

You're ashamed of the way they act because they have a vicious or unkind sense of humor; they're a know-it-all; they're always pessimistic; they consistently disappoint you; they have terrible communication skills; and so on.

They are self-absorbed and egocentric, unable to make decisions or stick to them.

Matthew Schubert, CEO of Gem State Wellness in Boise, Idaho, and a licensed mental health counselor, advises, "Engage in introspection to identify the underlying thoughts contributing to your dissatisfaction with your spouse." "Typically, it's the result of just a few major thoughts. "Once you become aware of such thoughts, you can evaluate their veracity and contemplate reframing them in order to lessen the distressing feelings they're causing," he says.

Impact of Not Liking Your Spouse

When you dislike your spouse, it can have negative effects on your mental health and even your physical health.

Increased distress:

Troubles multiply when you don't get along with the person you spend the most time with. The quality of your life as a whole will suffer if you constantly battle with the thought that your partner either doesn't get you or doesn't want to spend time with you.

Reduced support:

Lessening of support: a close, loving relationship is difficult to achieve if one spouse dislikes or even hates the other. As a result, communication breaks down, relationships suffer, and physical intimacy dwindles.

Unhealthy coping strategies:

Negative emotions against one's partner increase the likelihood that they will resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Avoidance, isolation, substance abuse, and emotional eating are all possible outcomes.

Coping When You Don't Like Your Spouse

Relationship success often hinges on two people sharing similar interests and values. As certain as a leaky faucet may drive you crazy, so can your partner's annoying routines and actions. It will only get worse if nothing is done.

If you find yourself in this situation, don't waste any time in getting out of it. Don't allow your anger fester to the point of exploding. 

Try to Focus on the Positive

It's unhealthy to focus solely on the bad things your partner does. Spend one night, one dinner, or one hour seeking for the good in your partner if you find yourself in this rut. It should be repeated. Try to maintain a more upbeat attitude for twice as long the next time around.

Reinforce Positive Behavior

Make it clear to your partner when you appreciate their efforts. Be upbeat and authentic in your delivery. Avoid sarcasm and indirect criticism while communicating with your partner; instead, put yourself in their shoes.

Work on Communication

Make direct eye contact when you're talking about how you feel. Prepare what you want to say or ask before speaking to your partner, and make eye contact with them as you do so. In doing so, you've shown your transparency and candor.

How to Get Help

Couples therapy can help you and your partner work through your feelings of dislike or even hatred for one another. Marriage is not always easy. People put their best foot forward when courting but often let their guard down and act rudely or meanly once they're hitched. Together, with work, you can make a great change.