How to Control Your Emotions When They're Running High

Emotions like anger, irritation, sadness, and worry are common, and they can all have negative effects on well-being and decision-making. However, studies have shown that emotions can have both positive and negative effects on decision making.

According to Deborah Serani, PsyD, professor at Adelphi University and author of "Sometimes When I'm Worried," "emotions that run high or are intense may not enable us to be mindful" when it comes to issue solving.

She argues that if you experience intense feelings but can use logic to control your desires, actions, and ideas, you will be more successful in life.

Why Can't I Control My Own Emotions?

Serani warns that it can be challenging to maintain emotional control whenever a person acts before thinking. She argues that positive and aggressive emotions like wrath, despair, rage, impatience, prejudice, and more can interfere with decision making just as much as positive and exciting experiences.

The trick is to allow yourself to experience whatever it is you're feeling, while also making introspection a part of your process. 'Go with your heart, but take your head with you,' Serani advises.

She also notes that risk-taking, avoidant behaviors, and cognitive distortions raise stress hormones that induce tension, impatience, and agitation, and that these factors can hinder one's ability to exercise emotional self-control.

Can I Control My Own Emotions?

According to Dr. Natalie Christine Dattilo, a clinical psychologist and instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School, the answer is "yes and no."

We don't consciously choose to feel a certain way; rather, our emotions occur automatically and reflexively, much like a knee-jerk reaction. We can't prevent bad things from happening, but we can decide how to respond to them.

Dattilo describes regulating one's feelings as "turning down the volume" on the strength of those feelings and "changing the channel" to another emotion as necessary. 

Strategies for Emotional Regulation

Get in Touch With Your Emotional Fluency

It's up to us to figure out what our emotions are trying to convey to us, so we should pay close attention to them. When we feel an emotion, it's usually in response to a significant, scary, or thrilling event. "We tend to label things as good or bad when in fact they may not be," Dattilo says. 

She claims that once you become emotionally literate, dealing with and understanding your feelings will become much simpler.

Turn Your Attention Outward

Despite their veracity, emotions are elusive. Dattilo recommends doing something physical while emotions are high. She suggests experiencing your own breath and heartbeat by softly pressing your hands together or placing a palm on your chest.

Practice Self-Care Activities

According to Serani, emotional health can be bolstered by regular exercise, sufficient sleep, a healthy diet, and the pursuit of enjoyable activities like hobbies.

According to her, "taking care of your mind, body, and soul in this way has been shown to increase self-awareness and facilitate self-regulation for a very long time."

Engage in Inner Work Exercises

Serani argues that expressive arts like as writing and blogging, as well as support groups and counseling, can help individuals process emotions and acquire insight into the reasons of intense emotions.

"One of the additional benefits is that these experiences can help root out some of the triggers, traumas, or unresolved patterns that set off overwhelming emotions," she says.

Identify Triggers That Heighten Emotions

Identifying your triggers, such as certain situations or people, can provide the finest opportunities to apply an alternative response to them, according to Dattilo. 

"Practice helps us build and strengthen emotion regulation skills like breathing and reframing so that they are available and useful when we need them, in real time," she explains. 

Constructive Communication

Dattilo argues that knowing your triggers—things like certain events or people—can provide you the best opportunities to apply an alternative response to them. 

"Practice helps us build and strengthen emotion regulation skills like breathing and reframing so that we have them available and useful when we need them, in real time," she explains. 

Constructive Communication

Here are some assertive communication strategies that help you be heard, show empathy, and set limits without losing either. 

Retreat From Hostile Conversation

You don't have to continue talking to someone who is getting angry with you. Dattilo suggests stating something like, "I can sense I'm getting irritated and this dialogue is crucial. Let's take a break from it, I say.