Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Problems in a marriage can be devastating. Like having a roommate, you may find yourself wondering if things will ever improve. Perhaps you've wondered if this marriage is really salvageable.

This is a common inquiry for a therapist like myself to field. I've heard some express worry that the fighting will never stop and that this is the best things will get. I want to comfort you if you've ever felt that way that therapy can help save a marriage.

Many of the clients I've worked with have been through a divorce. Their suffering is unbearable. However, I am aware that remaining may be just as uncomfortable. Why does it feel like your choices are either terrible torture or nothing at all? Stay and be miserable, or go and embark on another difficult struggle. But suppose there's another way out of this jam? If there was a way for things to improve, would you take it?

Here are some of the reasons why I think you should try marriage counseling if you're worried about the future of your relationship:

You need someone to help you work through the conflict.

In order to get to the bottom of things, using a mediator is often a good idea. It is easier to start the healing process once the underlying problems have been identified. Staying on the surface prevents genuine connection and communication, leaving wants unfulfilled.

You need to heal.

You can finally put the past behind you once and for all by talking about it. Resentments don't simply go away once you divorce. It doesn't matter if you get a divorce or not; they'll still be there for you. No matter how your marriage ends up, going to therapy can help you heal.

You need to learn from your mistakes.

It may be tempting to place all the blame on your partner, but remember that you have contributed to the problem as well. The lessons you need to learn to improve as a wife, mother, and friend might become crystal clear in therapy. Experiencing adversity is a great teacher.

You need to turn every stone.

Before you give up on your marriage, I encourage you to be sure you've turned over every stone. That's what I recommend to my clients when they're on the fence about whether or not to get a divorce. You should know that you gave it your all in an effort to make things work out, so that you can live without any regrets. The burden is split in half between you and your husband. If you want to know if you have done all possible to save your marriage, visiting a therapist is a great place to start.

Therapy is sometimes viewed as a "last effort" by many patients, and consequently, many patients enter treatment without fully investing themselves. They have already decided it is finished. They showed up to therapy way too late to rescue their marriage, though. Don't put yourself and your loved ones through unnecessary suffering. Take the initiative to strengthen your relationship. Here are eight strategies to begin standing up for your marriage.