How Couple Goals Affect Our Relationships

I think most of us have scrolled through Instagram or Facebook and deemed a certain couple to be #CoupleGoals or #RelationshipGoals. It's possible that some people have used the hashtag, or at least given thought to how their own relationships stack up or might develop in the future. After all, it is in everyone's inclination to judge themselves in relation to others, and social media has only facilitated this tendency.

While at first glance this may appear like innocent entertainment, it actually promotes harmful standards of behavior. After all, romantic pairings presented online often simply give a superficial or idealized impression. So, let's pause and contemplate how #CoupleGoals influences our partnerships.

What Are #CoupleGoals and #RelationshipGoals?

According to Yuko Nippoda, a psychotherapist and spokesman for the UK Council of Psychotherapy (UKCP), "people who comment on the relationships of others do so, hoping to achieve their own goals which they see born out in those relationships." "They are really expressing what kind of relationship they want to have," she explains.

However, some people opt to use these hashtags to show the world that they are in a stable, happy relationship. Nippoda suggests that this is because people feel good about themselves when they are noticed and appreciated by others and by society as a whole. People feel strong when they believe they are able to affect a large group of people, she explains.

Why Do Some People Choose to Follow the #CoupleGoals Trend?

People's motivations for following a trend could, obviously, be quite varied. But educator and administrator Jordan Russell finds this trend appealing because of how individuals have a tendency to idealize everything they see on social media.

Because of the endless insight into the private lives of others, this kind of behavior may seem alluring in today's online dating culture. "Real connection and healthy dating situations seem even more elusive, [so] having #RelationshipGoals gives people hope," he says.

Russell has been with his wife, a computer programmer named Richel Cuyler, since 2011; they tied the knot in October 2022. They never tried to mimic the relationships of other couples. Even while they both recognize the value in having standards to achieve, neither of them buys into the current fad. However, Russell claims that the vast majority of them are merely performative, so he cautions readers to proceed with caution.

What Are the Risks of Using #CoupleGoals to Influence Your Relationships?

It may seem innocent to hold some people up as #CoupleGoals or to admire certain qualities in them that you think are #RelationshipGoals, but this trend can cause problems in actual relationships. What we see online is always a highly curated aesthetic, and it rarely gives us an accurate portrayal of real life in a couple's relationship. As a result, using this hashtag can normalize undesirable traits and practices.

"While setting goals in any aspect of life can be beneficial, it is important to approach this trend with a sense of perspective and nuance," says Crystal Jackson, MA, a therapist-turned-author and chief writer at The Truly Charming.

How Should People View and See Relationships?

It's important for couples to keep working on their relationship and to create new goals and objectives as needed, because "attainment of a goal does not mean that the relationship is perfect," adds Jackson.

Those who worry that their relationships would suffer if they stop using social media to communicate need not worry. "Happy couples tend not to post images of themselves on social media in general," Nippoda said. They've found relationship satisfaction, and they're putting less emphasis on virtual interactions and more on face-to-face time.

Not all couples that share their love on social media are happy in them. Rather, it's because they naturally feel secure in themselves and don't need external approval. 

Final Things to Consider

Ultimately, relationships are fluid and change over time. So, it's important to not let the standard set by hashtags like "#couplegoals" and "#relationshipgoals" prevent you from making your relationship its own special place. Jackson argues that success in this area is not a one-and-done deal, but rather a continuing effort.

As long as you don't utilize your partnership's goals to confine it to a particular online aesthetic, having goals isn't inherently harmful.