What Are Relationship Red Flags?

Red flags are a common topic of conversation when it comes to romantic relationships, but what exactly do they signify? Are there universal warning signs? Is it always best to cut ties when red flags appear, or are there times when it makes sense to try to fix things? This piece will address these concerns and highlight several relationship warning signs that you should be aware of.

What Are Relationship Red Flags?

A "red flag" is a serious warning indicator that must be taken seriously. A red flag is waved to indicate a foul in sports, and in car racing, it indicates that the track is too dangerous for competition to continue. Roadside stop signs are red, and red tape tells us not to go beyond a certain boundary.

As a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, Dr. Wendy Walsh, PhD, explains that "red flags are signs that the person probably can't have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous."

Keep in mind that red flags in a relationship aren't always easy to spot. Some of these are blatantly obvious, while others may just hint at a more serious problem. In addition, red flags in a relationship don't always show up immediately.

Relationship Red Flags vs. Yellow Flags

A red flag is much more serious than a yellow flag, and vice versa. Yellow lights are less severe and instead urge us to slow down, while red flags always indicate a reason to stop or back away from a relationship. When it comes to relationships, a red flag is more universal, while a yellow flag might shift depending on the individual.

Dr. Walsh explains that one "yellow flag" could be a person's awareness of and effort to address a problem with emotional communication. A red flag could be someone with a history of abuse at home, chronic infidelity, or substance misuse. 

Alcoholism & Drug Addiction

Warning signs of alcoholism include "drinking every day" or "drinking to inebriation a few times a week," says licensed mental health counselor Amber Trueblood. Drug dependency as a means of coping with the ups and downs of daily life is likewise cause for concern.

Addiction is present when one's use of alcohol or drugs causes problems in one's personal, professional, or social life.1 Your partner may be addicted if they need drugs or alcohol to get through the day, week, or a particularly trying scenario because they haven't learned to deal with stress in any other way.

Violent Displays

A red flag is raised when someone displays violent behavior toward you, other people, or animals. It's an indication that they haven't learned to control their feelings. This may also be an indication of a lack of compassion.

Mismatched Relationship Goals

According to Dr. Walsh, if you and your partner are working for different goals in a relationship, it may be time to part ways. Despite the fact that this is more of an individual problem to address, it is nonetheless a warning sign for the health of your partnership moving forward.

Persistent Jealousy and Distrust

"Jealousy and distrust are another red flag," says Trueblood. "Attentiveness at the beginning of a relationship is often a red flag of a very insecure spouse, but there is an underlying control problem beneath all the attention. It's easy to reframe early displays of clinginess or excessive giving as signs of desperation later on in a relationship

Controlling Nature

A domineering partner is someone who has to work on some serious issues on a personal level. If your spouse is controlling in any way—in terms of who you hang out with, who you talk to, where you go, how much money you spend, what you do online, how your body looks, what you eat, or what you wear—you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

Breadcrumbing

When someone is breadcrumbing, they are dropping hints here and there to keep you interested in the relationship. When you approach this person, they will inevitably retreat. But if you cut off contact, the other person will increase their trail of breadcrumbs once more. A breadcrumber isn't someone who enjoys or plans to commit.