How to Rekindle a Relationship

There are a variety of scenarios in which you would want to reconnect with an ex. Maybe things in your own life or with your ex have changed your perspective. Perhaps you've relocated back to your old stomping grounds in the hopes of reconnecting with a high school sweetheart. Perhaps you've matured and come to see that your former flame was the one.

Or maybe you're already in a long-term marriage that may need some help, and you're simply not sure where to begin. In any case, you hope to revive the passion you formerly shared.

What to remember if you want to get back together with an old sweetheart, ex-lover, ex-roommate, or ex-spouse. And for those of you who are dedicated despite the difficulties in your existing relationship, here's how to repair things.

Restarting a Previous Relationship

After a breakup, it's common to start to pine for the ex. Seeing your ex with a new partner and clearly enjoying themselves could reignite your feelings for them. Perhaps you'll get carried away thinking about all the great moments, trips, and relationships you shared. The horrific fights and diverging paths you were both headed down aren't what stand out most in those recollections. It's possible that you're just trying to make the memories last longer.

Consider the Reasons You Split Up

Consider first why you and your ex-partner split up. Whose choice was it, yours or theirs? Why did you decide to end your relationship? A psychologist and marriage and family therapist put it this way: "If you split up for seemingly good reasons (domestic violence, substance abuse, or chronic infidelity), ask yourself if you really want to throw yourself back into the mix?"

Although we rely on our emotions to guide our decision-making and success, they also have the potential to cloud our judgment. If the other person has deep-seated problems that were never discussed, it stands to reason that you should tread carefully while considering a reconciliation.

Ask Yourself If You Think the Relationship Can Actually Work

What if you doubt their abilities? Perhaps the person you have feelings for is financially stable, has a solid background or is a doting father. However, perhaps they are also a workaholic who consistently breaks their word. Do you keep hoping this person will change even when they clearly don't want to?

What If Your Heart Hurts?

If you can't stop thinking about your ex, you might conclude that you were destined to be together. Our minds are engaged in our romantic relationships even as our hearts grieve. According to scientific studies of romantic relationships, different parts of the brain release different hormones and neurotransmitters at different times.

You may train your mind to focus on the future by focusing less on the past and more on the things you hope to achieve in the future.

Creating a Healthy Dynamic

So, even though you're no longer together, you don't want to sever relationships. Or perhaps you're stuck in a troubled relationship at the moment. Perhaps you're in a long-term marriage and you're looking for ways to rekindle the romance.

You want to fix what's broken in the relationship and build something stronger together, no matter what the circumstances are.

Doctor and relationship specialist Alexandra Stockwell says, "When relationships end, it is usually for a good reason (even if one or both parties don't want it in the moment)." The risk of reverting to an unhealthy and unproductive dynamic, in her opinion, is the biggest drawback of resuming a dormant relationship.