What to Do When You Don't Like Who Your Teen Is Dating

Teens frequently date people their parents dislike or disapprove of. Parents in this situation must make a decision about how to respond without alienating their child. They are torn between sharing their honest feelings with their adolescent or keeping it to themselves.1

Start With Self-Reflection

Before passing judgement on your teen's date, examine whether or not you have preconceived notions about them. Are you factoring in your preconceived notions or allowing your own prejudices to influence the situation? Are you offended because of your beliefs, your looks, your sexual orientation, your interests, or your socioeconomic status?

Tell the truth to yourself. Taking a step back and doing some introspection could be helpful if these emotions are what you're really worried about.

Ask Questions

Instead of making assumptions about your teen's dating life, try probing them with a few well-placed questions. Finding out what your adolescent is thinking, the nature of their relationship, and what draws them to this individual is crucial. Focus on concerns that are unique to your teen's romantic situation when formulating questions to ask. Start with the following inquiries:1

Where did the two of you first cross paths?

Can you describe your date's hobbies and passions?

Tell me about some of your favourite activities as a couple.

Trust Your Teen

Take comfort in the fact that you raised your teenager. You've done your best to teach excellent principles in your adolescent, and now you just have to trust that they'll use them. Adolescents can usually pick up on their parents' displeasure, but they still need to go their own way and figure things out.4

Extend an Invite

You should take the time to get to know the person your child is dating before passing judgement. Ask their date to dinner or to join them at a family event. See how your adolescent reacts when they start talking to this new person. Is it possible you're blind to this person's better qualities?5

If you maintain an open mind, you might be pleasantly surprised. Either way, you'll gain insight into the other person and your teen's connection, and they'll probably appreciate your initiative.

Look for Positive Traits

By putting yourself in your teen's shoes, you can gain the compassion and understanding you need to accept the connection. If your kid is going through a hard patch or needs to talk about an issue in the relationship, you will be less likely to say things like, "I never liked them anyway" or "I knew they were no good" if you do this. You could be right, but it's not something you want to stress.2

Make an Effort

You should make an attempt to be kind, respectful, and approachable towards your teen's date even if you have strong feelings towards that person. Keep in mind that you will probably get treated badly if you choose to be harsh and dismissive. Make an effort to accommodate your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend when they visit.1

If you make an effort to be warm and inviting, the person your kid is dating will feel more at ease and be able to show their true colours. Experiment with talking to them or complimenting them on the spot. The trick is to show your teen and their partner that you're interested in learning more about them. Feeling uncomfortable in someone else's home is a terrible experience. Try your best to strike a friendly tone.

Take a Long-Term View

It's vital not to rush in and try to modify your teen's dating situation if they're seeing someone you think isn't a good fit. Taking the partnership as a whole into consideration is far more productive.

Give Your Teen Space

Teens should practise making and living with their own choices. They must be given the opportunity to make poor decisions and improve as a result. Disrupting their relationships or trying to micromanage the situation will have a negative impact on their learning as well as their sense of agency and confidence.8

Don't Make Threats

Never put your adolescent on the spot with an ultimatum. Your child will simply resent you more for doing this. If your kid continues to date this individual, they are considerably less likely to ask for or accept your support when they really need it. To be disappointed in their lack of foresight or to hear you say, "I told you so," is a terrifying prospect.3