15 Common Reasons for Relationship Break-Ups

Most people assume that adultery, a partner's harsh temper, or disagreements over parenting style are the top reasons for a breakup. However, therapists assert that there are many other, more sophisticated factors at play when couples eventually separate ways. Why your relationship may not work and what you can do about it, from the little things like not showing gratitude to the larger red flags like being unwilling to compromise. The most common causes of relationship failure, and what you can do to avoid them, are discussed below.

1.You withdraw during arguments.

Baylor University psychology professor Keith Sanford, PhD, discovered that partners who acknowledged to retreating frequently during fights reported being unhappier and more apathetic about the relationship overall in research published in the journal Psychological Assessment in 2015.

"Withdrawal is the most problematic for relationships," Sanford said. People resort to this strategy of defence when they feel threatened, and research shows that it correlates with less happiness in relationships.

Ultimately, you and your partner need to be on the same page about major life choices like where to live, when and if to start a family, and how to save and spend money.

"67 percent of disagreements in a relationship never get resolved and they don't need to," says Lesli Doares, a certified relationship coach. "But the other 33 percent, if not resolved, can lead to the end of the relationship."

Doares identifies the following as common relationship roadblocks: "desires of one partner for the relationship to get more serious, personal beliefs and values, the kind of lifestyle each person wants to live, and wanting to have children."

Mistakes are inevitable; no one is perfect. A loving partner is able to bounce back from these setbacks like an adult, whereas an unloving partner will treat their spouse as though they should be perfect all the time.

According to Doares, "when your partner doesn't measure up to something they didn't even sign up for, there is a tendency to try to change them," but this is done "without understanding that your own behaviour plays a huge role." "Focusing on your partner makes it easier to find reasons why they are the source of your problems."

4. You're afraid of being alone.

Due to the dread of being alone, many couples choose to avoid discussing their problems and act as if they don't exist. However, this approach fails since problems always resurface, and by that time it's usually too late to find a solution.Doares identifies another prevalent characteristic that prevents partnerships from succeeding: "being afraid of being alone and thus willing to accept any relationship, no matter how unhealthy." "Correct limits must be established and upheld."

When a couple is just starting out, they often don't hold back their true sentiments and emotions. However, many relationships end in disaster because one or both partners think their partners should be able to read their minds and body language.

It's called a breakup because "where a conversation once existed, now there is silence, an eye roll, or edgy energy emitting that becomes divisive if not ultimately crushing," write relationship gurus Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola in their book. The more time passes in a relationship, the more likely it is that partners may stop engaging in meaningful conversation with one another out of laziness, fear, or complacency.

6. Or sarcastic comments.

"Passive-aggressive comments or frequent sarcasm stand in the way of more tender vulnerable moments in a marriage," Nicole Rainey, a licenced mental health counsellor and co-owner of Mosaic Creative Counselling, previously told Best Life. Also, animosity can grow between two people if one of them says something hurtful to the other.

7. You compare your relationship to everyone else's.

"Comparison is the thief of joy," write Behrendt and Ruotola. Avoid envying other people's relationships and concentrate on your own. No relationship is as perfect as it seems on Instagram, and the grass is always greener where you water it.

The concept of compromise extends far beyond simply letting your partner pick the restaurant for a change. It also involves putting aside differences for the sake of the partnership, even when it's difficult. But when a couple's relationship is on the brink of collapse, one or both partners may refuse to take responsibility and instead play the victim.

"We are all taught a language of blame when we feel powerful emotions," says Carey Davidson, self-mastery expert and author of The Five Archetypes. It's much simpler to blame oneself than to recognise that negative feelings indicate an unmet need in one's life.

9. You don't forgive or forget.

"Holding resentment is the quickest way to destroy love," says psychotherapist Dr. Tina Tessina. As the saying goes, "resentment is like the rust that eats away at the bonds of your relationship."

The relationship will deteriorate beyond repair if the fundamental causes of your resentment and anger are not addressed.

10. You don't express your emotions similarly

John Gottman, PhD, a researcher specialising in marriage, found that meta-emotional mismatches were an extremely reliable indicator of future divorce. It's not so much about how you handle the disagreement as it is about how you compliment your partner's approach.

11. You see your partner as inferior.

One of the four behaviours that Gottman identifies as a sign of an imminent divorce is having contempt for your partner. His study involved asking married people how often they displayed behaviours including disrespect, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. He then determined that the behaviours were over 90% accurate in predicting divorce by measuring partners' levels of happiness in their relationships.

The "kiss of death" for any relationship, according to Gottman, is when one spouse thinks less of the other. This is logical, as a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in 2010 found that couples who shown contempt for each other within the first year of marriage were more likely to divorce before the 16-year mark.

Since you spend the most time with your loved ones, they are also the ones you are most likely to vent your frustrations to, according to research published in Current Directions in Psychological Science in 2014. And because "aggression is harmful to individuals and to relationships," they concluded that the more one hurts those they care about, the more likely it is that they will withdraw their affection.

13. You have trust issues.

Building trust with someone is difficult (especially if you've been hurt in the past), but it's essential if you and your partner intend to be together for the long haul.

When we feel safe with someone, we know we're in a secure environment. David Tzall, Psy.D., a licenced psychologist, previously told Best Life, "We are secure in the knowledge that we are free from judgement, expectations, and hurt." If one of the most basic requirements of a healthy connection is missing, the relationship will not continue.

14. You blame your partner for your own lies.

It's probably unnecessary to state the obvious that lying to your lover will eventually lead to the end of your relationship. According to relationship expert and therapist Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, things get even worse when one partner blames the other for bringing up the issue of concealment.She continues, "They'll say stuff like, 'You just couldn't handle it if I was open and honest with you, so I had to lie. Mistrust, hostility, and insecurity are the results of this kind of behaviour.

15. You're not empathetic

The emotional well-being of both partners should be prioritised in a healthy and happy partnership. Davidson says that at times of conflict, people's "mindset shifts towards recognising core needs for ourselves and our partners." We "[attempt to] empathise with both our own unmet needs and the unmet needs of our partner, and then formulate a strategy for addressing both sets of needs."

However, partners in unhealthy relationships frequently argue with each other without considering the other person's feelings.