How Nonviolent Communication Can Change Your Relationship

An important part of nonviolent communication is being able to open up about your emotions and needs and listen to others' with compassion.

Marshall Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist from Detroit, invented this method of communication in the 1960s to combat urban violence. However, it has broad applicability and is especially useful in love partnerships.

Organization dedicated to promoting peaceful dialogue. Our company was established by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg.

According to Claudia de Llano, LMFT, author of "The Seven Destinations of Love," nonviolent communication seeks to better relationships via compassionate dialogue.

Nonviolent communication is discussed in this article, along with its components, benefits, and practical applications in relationships.

The Four Components of Nonviolent Communication

The four pillars of nonviolent discourse are as follows:

• Observations
• Emotions Requirements

To better understand how to apply these concepts to romantic partnerships, we consulted Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist, relationship therapist, and creator of the "Your Happiness Hypothesis Method."

Observations

When you make an observation, you describe the uninterpreted, objective details of a situation. It relies on empirical evidence rather than subjective interpretations or assumptions.

Silva adds that holding back your judgment can make your spouse feel more comfortable opening up to you and reduce their defensiveness.

How to Apply Nonviolent Communication in Your Relationship

The professionals gave advice that can help you communicate peacefully with others.

Learn to Listen

According to de Llano, a successful relationship requires each partner to have the skill of attentive listening without responding, judging, or interrupting the other person.

She explains that rather than really listening to our partners' experiences, we often create our views while immediately computing how we feel. To truly listen and become a more objective witness to our partner's words, experiences, and feelings, "Nonviolent communication" demands us to slow down our process of communication and postpone interruptions.

Pause Before You Respond

When we're feeling vulnerable and vulnerable, our natural reaction is to strike out at our relationships. However, practicing nonviolent communication can be aided by pausing before responding and taking a moment to manage your emotions so that you can respond in a calm and grounded way rather than reacting out of anger or defensiveness.

According to de Llano, nonviolent communication trains you to listen without reacting emotionally. She recommends cooling out and thinking things through before reacting violently or aggressively to a situation. "Taking a break allows you to collect your thoughts, tune into your emotions, zero in on what you really want, and formulate reasonable requests."

Avoid Judgment or Blame

Some of the unhealthy ways of communicating that people get into, according to Silva, involve directing blame or criticism towards one's partner rather than opening up about one's own emotions. She emphasizes that the other person goes into defensive mode when you say things like, "You don't listen to me" or "You are scaring me."

According to de Llano, the "I" statement is one of the most powerful tools you may use while communicating with your partner. Because it shifts the onus of responsibility for the issue from the one receiving it to the person providing it, "this technique can help diffuse conflict."

Silva advises taking the "you" out of the conversation so that your spouse can relax and hear what you have to say.

How to Cultivate Nonviolent Communication Skills

Practice compassion: 

In our relationships with ourselves, de Llano explains, we frequently employ critical thinking, blame, and self-doubt. We can better respond to our partners if we learn to think and act compassionately toward ourselves first. She suggests keeping a journal to record your reactions and how you feel about the things you write down.

Work on being more empathetic: 

You may improve your communication skills by working on your empathy, acceptance, and support, as suggested by Silva. To develop empathy, try imagining yourself in your partner's shoes and feeling what they are experiencing.

Benefits of Nonviolent Communication

Increased self-awareness:

Developing a keener awareness of your own emotions and needs is one benefit of regular NVC practice. Silva argues that after you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, you may begin to identify the things that truly bring you joy.

Greater honesty and intimacy:

Nonviolent communication, according to de Llano, fosters an environment conducive to listening that is less charged with emotion, more neutral and grounded, and so more honest, more connected, and more intimate.