Love: It’s Not What You Think

Genuine, genuine, genuine affection. That's the king of all power! John Wooden, the famous basketball coach at UCLA, said those things just before he passed away at the age of 99. It can be challenging to get to the heart of love. There is no shortage of works discussing the nature of love, how to love, and the actions (and inactions) that love entails. Sadly, true love is often misunderstood. Ten adults, if asked, would likely each give you a different definition of love.

Myths and Misunderstandings About Love

Love is the finest, but it's also the term that gets used the most, gets used the least, gets misapplied the most, and gets misunderstood the most. It is overused and misapplied with reckless abandon on most television shows and advertising you watch. Husbands, wives, parents, children, grandparents, grandkids, relatives, friends, coworkers, and even strangers can misuse and misunderstand the concept of love. Loving someone does not require loving them. To love someone is not the same thing as agreeing with all they do. Even in the midst of an argument, my wife Susan and I will occasionally say, "I love you." But right now we don't get along so well. By these words, we mean, "I love you no matter what, but I don't like the way you are acting right now."

The term "love" is frequently used in our everyday speech. There is an expression, "I love my car." The French fries here are fantastic. "That dress is so cute!" Although they may stimulate one of our five senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, or smell), they are not worthy of our affection. No human being is built to feel affection for inanimate things. Only living beings have the capacity to love and be loved. If we seek to love things, then, more often than not, we'll utilize people and wind up with superficial relationships, meaningless possessions, and no one to share it with. But if you and I love people and use things for their original purpose, we'll enjoy deep connections and lasting satisfaction in life.

Genuine Love

If love is not that, then what is it? Something essential to know up front while seeking this Holy Grail definition. Over many centuries and by many different people, many different definitions of love have been proposed. There are just as many possible explanations as there are sand grains on a beach. Earlier, I told you about a subset of them. I have spent a lot of time reading various definitions of love, but I won't bore you with a rehash. I've already put in the effort, so let me try my luck. How about you? The cherished definition is as follows: Love is God. That settles the matter. But I suspect that explanation won't be enough to sate your inquisitive mind, so let's delve even further into the heart of true love.

Think of a wedding you attended in a church. The young couple stands at the altar with their backs to the congregation and their hands interlocked. Their glistening eyes and fresh faces look great with the elegant bridal dress and suit. Confidently, the preacher addresses the happy and optimistic couple, saying, "Love is patient when you feel like being patient, love is kind when you feel like being kind..." Right? Not at all! 'Love is patient, love is gentle,' he explains. It is neither envious, boastful, or haughty. It's not impolite, doesn't care about itself, doesn't get angry easily, and doesn't hold grudges. Love is not elated by falsehood but rather by the truth. It never fails to defend, never gives up hope, never loses faith, and never gives up.

What exactly does he mean when he talks about love in this way? What he means is that love is more than an emotion; it's a choice. Unlike other emotions, love does not instruct its recipient to "feel this way." For love's sake, do as I say. Patience, kindness, gentleness, humility, sincerity, compassion, generosity, faithfulness, trust, forgiveness, unity, and perseverance are all acts of love. Selfless service and giving of oneself for the sake of another are hallmarks of love. Is there a magic alphabet for love? G-I-V-E. It involves considering not only your own needs, but those of those around you as well. Putting other people's needs before your own means putting yourself in a vulnerable position.