How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

In a marriage, trust plays a crucial role. It can be shattered by broken promises, addictions, or betrayal. I've had a lot of experience in my career as a therapist helping couples repair damaged trust. Seventy-five percent of my customers were dealing with affairs at one point.

There is a widespread need for rapid gratification and enjoyment in today's society, but many people act carelessly without considering the consequences. Relationships are challenging, and we must accept that the price of love is exposure to hurt. The highs and lows of married life can be extreme. The proverbial "happily ever after" doesn't apply in all cases.

1. Do what you say you’re going to do.

It must be easy to do, right? Take out the garbage when you say you will. Always be prompt if you have a scheduled meeting. Show your partner you mean it if you say you're going to change. Keeping your pledges and commitments will convince your partner that you are trustworthy.

2. Own your part.

Take responsibility for your inability to follow through and fulfill your promises. One of the best ways to gain someone's trust is to admit when they've made a mistake or forgotten something. Avoid justifications. Don't pass the buck. Examine the situation and accept responsibility. Your partner will feel less hurt by your honesty and openness.

3. Don’t wait until confronted to share.

Don't try to hide your mistakes if you are aware of them. True, it might cause friction, but covering it up or denying its existence will only lead to more trouble down the road. If you don't tell your partner until you're caught, they can start to doubt that you would have come clean if they hadn't challenged you. This will tear apart any trust left. If you want to start mending fences of distrust with your partner, a good place to start is by coming clean to them about what happened.

4. Don’t keep secrets.

Our children are taught that in our house there are no secrets, only surprises. A spouse's heart can be broken by a secret. Part of loving someone is the sense and belief that you "really know" someone in a manner that others don't. It is that level of emotional closeness that ties a partnership beyond any other relationship in their lives. Couples that hold secrets from one another often end up feeling foolish. They look duped, like. When you're honest and open with your partner, it's much easier to build trust in your relationship. Find out why being honest is a must for a happy marriage here.

5. Have empathy instead of getting defensive.

If trust has been destroyed, try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. The person you misled is having a profound emotional experience too. Be sympathetic to their plight. Put yourself in their position and feel what they're going through. I understand that most individuals will find this challenging because of the humiliation associated with the situation. However, this action may make a tremendous difference in restoring trust. Your partner will feel even more isolated if you react defensively and emotionally.

6. Be patient. It takes time.

Building trust doesn't happen immediately. For confidence to be restored, continual reassurance throughout time is required. Keep in mind that trust is reset to zero whenever it is violated again or whenever new information about the event becomes public. In terms of trust between you and your partner, this is the same as if your partner had found out on day one.

Keep in mind that your partner may experience triggers related to the event and would appreciate some reassurance from you. Depending on the severity of the betrayal, this can linger for a very long time. It will take time, so please be patient. It can take just one slip up to ruin the trust and years to regain it.