Why Do Arranged Marriages Last Longer Than Love Marriages

In contrast to the western idealisation of the love marriage, statistics show that arranged marriages stay longer and have a significantly lower divorce rate. If one does not always know who their future spouse will be, then why is this the case? Since the concept of an arranged marriage piques my interest, I decided to learn more about it. Read this first if you haven't already seen my essay, "The Reality of Arranged Marriages." 

Those I know who have chosen an arranged marriage all appear to be content. In spite of this, I have read numerous accounts of women in arranged marriages who endure silently the brutality of their partners. Although to this day I have not met any in person. Being a taboo subject, however, means that it is not typically discussed in public. Some reasons why planned marriages tend to endure longer are discussed below.

So Why Do Arranged Marriages Last Longer Than Love Marriages?

One notion in particular struck out to me as I read the article, Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful? Because neither party to an arranged marriage knows the other very well, neither has high expectations for the union. Once or twice before getting married is the norm in planned weddings. 

 
In general, your level of expectation for a person increases as your familiarity with them develops. Because of this, it may be years before a couple that is truly in love gets married, at which point both parties will have developed more substantial expectations and preconceptions about the other. That's because you've gotten to know them better and have firmer expectations for how they'll behave now and in the future.

Marriage Is Based On Compatibility

Several factors, including shared social standing and caste, play a role in many arranged marriages. Relationships that are built on shared values and interests tend to continue longer than those that are solely romantic in nature. As you well know, love has a way of making people overlook flaws they otherwise wouldn't.

Someone Else Does All The Hard Work Finding Your Partner

Parents are traditionally expected to play a significant role in helping their children choose life partners. Since they won't settle for second best in a spouse, relieving them of the burden of seeking one out is likely beneficial. Those looking for a life companion may end up choosing someone less than ideal out of dread of being alone or sheer exhaustion from the quest. Having someone else do the legwork ensures that they won't give up until they find the one. Regardless of how lengthy or difficult the task may be. A parent's dogged persistence can't be matched. Many Brides Marry Up

Marrying someone from a higher social class, often called hypergamy, is a practise that exists in several societies. Many Indian parents have this goal in mind, especially those with girls, so that they can provide them a brighter future. There is a catch though; the bride's family will expect a hefty payment from the groom's. Since it is considered rude for women from higher castes to marry lower-caste men, most males avoid doing so.

People of lesser social status tend to be more submissive in relationships. There is pressure on the bride to make her husband happy not only from her husband but also from her family. And most women are thankful for the chance to improve their own life and those of their families. She will likely seek her husband's approval as a result.

It Is Not Just About The Couple It Is About The Family

When I asked my husband recently why he thinks arranged marriages work, he told me that it's because the union is about the two people and their families rather than simply the two people themselves. If there is a disagreement between the couple, the families will often sit down together to try to work things out. They'll keep doing it until they find a way to make everyone happy.

When family members are involved, couples are more likely to compromise and work through their differences. Couples can get insight into one another's perspectives by hearing them from an objective third party. They are being forced to participate in what is essentially free counselling.

They Are Not Truly Madly Deeply In Love

They may not be head over heels in love, as planned marriages typically centre on compatibility rather than love. The kind when your heart stops beating and your stomach butterflies and you feel dizzy because you're so profoundly in love. I don't deny that they feel love for one another, but I suspect it may not be the same intensity. This is why having intense feelings for another person can make you blind to their flaws. Blind love makes you overlook flaws you would have otherwise rejected. In addition, turbulent love might bring up a roller coaster of difficulties.

Divorce Is Still Highly Stigmatised

Even if an arranged marriage doesn't work out, the couple could decide to stay together for the sake of their families' honour and their own happiness. Those who enter into arranged weddings have been socialised to believe that it is unacceptable to end a marriage. Reasons for this include the importance society places on families and the stigma that would be attached to a divorce. It's also embarrassing for the parents who set the couple together if they end up divorcing. Divorce is stigmatised in the eyes of most people and this is a widely held belief. Because of the negative connotations associated with divorce, many communities and families will not accept or even speak to a divorced woman. Widows and divorced women, who are effectively homeless after being shunned by society, can find sanctuary in religious centres or other safe havens. Since divorce carries such a heavy social shame, not even dissatisfied spouses choose to end their marriages. Which raises the possibility that the divorce rate is inaccurate.

There are benefits and drawbacks to both planning your wedding ahead of time and marrying the person who truly captures your heart. By its very nature, an arranged marriage acknowledges that it is a commercial enterprise. Some people never experience the indescribable sensation of being truly, madly, completely in love. However, passionate turbulence is a leading cause of divorce.